You haven't the faintest idea how damned excited I am to drop 3 and 3/4 of the 5 subjects I am currently taking.

So fucked up for Promos I don't even know where to begin. At the rate I'm doing my revision, I can just go for the exams to hand in pristine white sheets of paper because my mind just becomes blank. I try to be strong. I really do. I try to think happy thoughts and about the future, I try to think about December 2014 and how I'll be able to dump everything into a fire at that time. I try to come up with perfect scenarios of me living my future life and my dream job, doing what I love (none of which include 90% of the shit I'm being forced to do now). But it's not working. The breakdowns are coming more often and most of the time, I really, really, really hate myself. The suicidal thoughts have come back again. The last time this happened was when I was 13. I hated myself for that. I told myself I'd never think suicidal thoughts ever again. But recently they've come back. And they're much more vivid this time. I think about how easy a human can be killed. How many ways. I lean over a railing and think about how all it takes is a little tilt. I prepare my clothes for school every night, and think about how all it takes is to stuff my socks down my throat. I press the blade of the scissors against my wrist just to feel pressure from the outside instead from within. I imagine myself bleeding and how beautiful they are, these rivers I'm crying. When I try to think of what I'm good at to comfort myself, all I end up with is a huge ten mile long blank. I can't take this anymore. My head hurts all the time and it feels like it's going to explode from all the things I try to cram into it. My mind swings between occasional, superficial bouts of cheerfulness and numb blankness when I get yanked back to reality. My stamina isn't very good in the first place, and I've already been running for so long and so hard that I've forgotten when I'd even crossed the start line. I don't belong in this hell hole of a pressure cooker and you have no idea just how badly I want to get the fuck out.

I think I know what I want to do, but yet I'm afraid it won't work out.

The fear of my mind going blank.

The fear of panicking.

The fear of failing.

The fear of not living up to expectations.

A levels are useless.

The Road Not Taken Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Sometimes I'm determined to do something in university.

Sometimes I have no idea what I want to do in university and I don't give a damn.

Sometimes I have no idea what I want to do in university and I spend the rest of the day having a life crisis.

Sometimes I bounce back and forth between two or more options of what I want to do in university.

Sometimes I try to think logically about what I want to do in university.

Sometimes I convince myself to do what I really want to/ love in university.

Most of the time I look at people and get jealous of them: the people who are already there, the people who have already found their place in the big wide world, and the people who know without a doubt what they want to do in university.

All the time I wonder how the hell I'm even going to get through JC.

Oh yay. If only dæmons were real. I need to be accompanied by a lion everywhere I go.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to cut my wrists so deep that I don't have to feel anything anymore.

Here's my game plan.

You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made of stardust; what do you have to be scared of?

Sometimes, when I stay very still, I can feel my body move with each pump my heart takes.

And now, it's going unnaturally fast.

I need to know that everything will be okay.

Everyone's talking about what they're going to do after, but I can't bring myself to even think about it, because all I can think about is that the race has barely begun and the pressure cooker has barely reached its halfway mark.

And I can't think about an after, because when was there ever an after?

This episode really creeped me out. Even more than the weeping angels and the silent child.

I guess there's something bizarre and downright disturbing about a monster/ alien that cannot be seen. That you know nothing of, not even how it looks like.

Just that they lurk in the shadows.

And once you see someone with two shadows, that someone's a goner.

And of course this was the first episode in which Riversong appears. Somewhat signalling the end of the RTD era /sobs/

I need this in my room.

This is way too lovely I wanted to put it as my twitter cover picture but it's vertical == Sadly not my phone lock screen cos that one's taken up by my 8 fandom mashup (hurrah).

I've always wanted to learn how to do the watercolour-ey effect but somehow... sigh D: Whenever I see all them nice watercolours on Tumblr, a little part of me dies.

1. 70% of the time I use a ruler when drawing fractions/ square roots.
2. 100% of the time I use a ruler when highlighting.
3. I clean my ruler after using one highlighter colour and before switching to the next.
4. Each prata is cut into 16 pieces before eating a proper prata meal, unless rushed. 
5. When rushed, prata is still cut into 16 pieces, but eating is done while cutting.
6. Egg tarts at cut into quarters and eaten with a spoon.
7. Tauhuey to be eaten in a way that the surface remains as smooth as possible.
8. The way to eat McDonald's hotcakes: 1) arrange 3 hotcakes on styrofoam plate in the shape of Mickey Mouse head, 2) 2/3 of each margarine packet go onto each hotcake, 3) spread margarine, 4) stack 3 hotcakes up, 5) cut all 3 hotcakes together at one go into 8 triangular pieces, 6) spread out all 24 pieces without stacking any, 7) evenly spread maple syrup, 8) B R E A K F A S T !
9. 4/ 8 rectangles/ squares per toilet paper.
10. Each of the 8 highlighters in my school pencil case must be used in the correct sequence and about the same amount each time they are used.

I've probably blogged about this before but anyway...

Every time I watch this I cry.

E V E R Y T I M E .

 #throwback When days were easier.

 Bored in CCA watching a  random video on some old guitarist.

 mrsgohpls

 Lovely sunrises from the class bench (:

jarylpls

#actuallyitwasyunyang #butnevermind #doesntmakeadifference

 By Vernice omg damn cute

 Awesome spelling

 Mugging really ruins the Starbucks experience.

 Teadot! They have awesome floral teas.

French rose and chamomile and some... green tea cake thingy.

 French rose + chamomile (:

 And then from Teadot we (the brother and I) walked around nex trying to look for suitable mugging places, then eventually settled at Swiss Bake.

 T H R E A D L E S S T E E S :D

 New badges oh yeah. They're like fandom declarations.

 Let the information diffuse into my head...

 Zzzzzzz

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 Omg I love this series of photos ((: It was after Contrôle 3 Rédaction on the way home, and Mom was going fast (as usual), resulting in this :D

The Hwa Chong Whovian community has a Whatsapp group that is like ten million levels of cool.

 Sharon's artwork during GP.

 ernestpls

New fashion statement: patchwork princess.

Insolent child, this slave of fashion, basking in your glory! Ignorant fool, this brave young suitor, sharing in my triumph!

Flattering child, you shall know me, see why in shadows I hide. Look at your face in the mirror, I am there inside!

 Before...

[flashback to the best overture ever]

 After!

Damn chio omg. All em angels. Like everything is revolving around angels recently. Phantom. Night Vale (kinda queer). City of Bones. And I'm quite sure there are more but they just slipped my mind.

 Our tickets :D

#otp4eva #mybabies #stopmakingmecry

Nazgûl from Lord of the Rings                     Headless Monks from Doctor Who

Now why did I not realise this sooner...

I really hate it when I go into my hate mode.

My teeth start to hurt and my eyes start to tear up. I start to clench my fists a lot. I feel like crushing up paper, then ripping it to pieces. I feel like sweeping everything off my desk. I feel like destroying everything. I can't focus on anything. All I can think about is that one thing that is annoying the hell out of me.

This doesn't happen very often. But when it does, it happens when something isn't the way it is. When the worksheets in my file aren't aligned straight. When the lecture notes provided by the school are in such a huge mess with blobs of information dispersed everywhere. When there are random slips of paper everywhere. When I don't get why the hell I'm wasting two years of my life away. When a piece of paper has been creased. When someone takes my things without permission and put it back at the wrong place. When I can't figure out how to format my own notes. When I don't use my highlighters equally.

When the goddamn Time issue is so soggy it feels as if it has just gone through the sewers. 

Just make your packaging waterproof for god's sake. Even Reader's Digest does that.

Sometimes I really miss this era of songs.



10 years on, and this one is still dead on accurate.

Ah, humanity.

Super overdue pictures argh.

Self-explanatory.

This was posted on 6 August. Which was a month ago .____.

Jia Qi hennaing Ernest's hand...

Tada!

Ooooohhhhh a ship in the making.

Shayang :D

Jia Ling's and my ice cream earrings (:

The new cafe in Nanyang omg DDD:

AGGGHHHHHH.

/gasps/

B O U N C Y C A S T L E

The first clue to me that there were more Whovians in Hwa Chong than I thought...

I don't usually do selfies, so you can tell how bored I was while studying (comme d'habitude) .____.

My nose is depressingly flat/ small ):

Hellloooooo lovely

I love this quote (: Apparently this was the guy who inspired the French Revolution.

#artsty #food #steak #hashbrown #tomato #egg #foodporn #breakfast #yum #delicious #instafood

Feet size comparison. Right: human. Left: abominable snowman.

S in S70 stands for sick.

What my brother whose voice has nearly (or almost or fully I have no idea) broken sent me via Whatsapp /headdesk/

/headfloor/

I come up with excellent nicknames.

I love this quote so much I can't even... (':

Jellybeans!

I later ate that pink one over there right on top.

Getting closer to the Whovian community in Hwa Chong...

The best classes I could ever ask for (:

"Brief" introduction

Jessica kindly pointed out that there were boobs on the board. Welcome to our PW discussions.

In Jess's car monster truck otw to Ion! We had a whale of a time (:

Well.

Post-Conjuring 00000:

Inspired by an IG account which I read about somewhere.

AND FOR ASLAAANNNNN!!!

Ikea my love :33333

Their ice cream maker thingy is damn cool.

Tada!! McDonald's 70 cents vanilla cone still better though. This one tasted a little weird.

Je suis une licorne.

My eyes are unusually huge here. Usually they're like lines.

My favourite poem :DDDD

Cool new wallpaper yo.