You haven't the faintest idea how damned excited I am to drop 3 and 3/4 of the 5 subjects I am currently taking.
#1119 then up the stairs he would carry me, and I knew for sure I was loved
Sunday 29 September 2013
#1118 spin me around till I fell asleep
Saturday 28 September 2013
#1117 back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
Monday 23 September 2013
So fucked up for Promos I don't even know where to begin. At the rate I'm doing my revision, I can just go for the exams to hand in pristine white sheets of paper because my mind just becomes blank. I try to be strong. I really do. I try to think happy thoughts and about the future, I try to think about December 2014 and how I'll be able to dump everything into a fire at that time. I try to come up with perfect scenarios of me living my future life and my dream job, doing what I love (none of which include 90% of the shit I'm being forced to do now). But it's not working. The breakdowns are coming more often and most of the time, I really, really, really hate myself. The suicidal thoughts have come back again. The last time this happened was when I was 13. I hated myself for that. I told myself I'd never think suicidal thoughts ever again. But recently they've come back. And they're much more vivid this time. I think about how easy a human can be killed. How many ways. I lean over a railing and think about how all it takes is a little tilt. I prepare my clothes for school every night, and think about how all it takes is to stuff my socks down my throat. I press the blade of the scissors against my wrist just to feel pressure from the outside instead from within. I imagine myself bleeding and how beautiful they are, these rivers I'm crying. When I try to think of what I'm good at to comfort myself, all I end up with is a huge ten mile long blank. I can't take this anymore. My head hurts all the time and it feels like it's going to explode from all the things I try to cram into it. My mind swings between occasional, superficial bouts of cheerfulness and numb blankness when I get yanked back to reality. My stamina isn't very good in the first place, and I've already been running for so long and so hard that I've forgotten when I'd even crossed the start line. I don't belong in this hell hole of a pressure cooker and you have no idea just how badly I want to get the fuck out.
#1116 the angels never arrived, but I can hear the choir
I think I know what I want to do, but yet I'm afraid it won't work out.
#1115 I have no reason to run
The fear of my mind going blank.
The fear of panicking.
The fear of failing.
The fear of not living up to expectations.
The fear of panicking.
The fear of failing.
The fear of not living up to expectations.
#1114 the moon is on my side
Friday 20 September 2013
A levels are useless.
School is useless.
Everything I'm doing now is just downright useless.
Wtf am I doing with my life.
#1113 but our friends are back, so let's raise a toast
Thursday 19 September 2013
The Road Not Taken Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
#1112 we can burn brighter than the sun
Tuesday 17 September 2013
Sometimes I'm determined to do something in university.
Sometimes I have no idea what I want to do in university and I don't give a damn.
Sometimes I have no idea what I want to do in university and I spend the rest of the day having a life crisis.
Sometimes I bounce back and forth between two or more options of what I want to do in university.
Sometimes I try to think logically about what I want to do in university.
Sometimes I convince myself to do what I really want to/ love in university.
Most of the time I look at people and get jealous of them: the people who are already there, the people who have already found their place in the big wide world, and the people who know without a doubt what they want to do in university.
All the time I wonder how the hell I'm even going to get through JC.
Sometimes I have no idea what I want to do in university and I don't give a damn.
Sometimes I have no idea what I want to do in university and I spend the rest of the day having a life crisis.
Sometimes I bounce back and forth between two or more options of what I want to do in university.
Sometimes I try to think logically about what I want to do in university.
Sometimes I convince myself to do what I really want to/ love in university.
Most of the time I look at people and get jealous of them: the people who are already there, the people who have already found their place in the big wide world, and the people who know without a doubt what they want to do in university.
All the time I wonder how the hell I'm even going to get through JC.
#1111 so let's set the world on fire
Monday 16 September 2013
Oh yay. If only dæmons were real. I need to be accompanied by a lion everywhere I go.
You love to be around people. Without them, you would wilt and fade away. Too much time alone leave you feeling listless and sad, but a good night out with your buddies puts the spring back into your step. You make friends easily, because you know how to adjust your behaviour for each person. With a rowdy, loud, social type of person you can be rowdy, and loud, and social. With a timid and mousy person you can be quiet and sensitive. While you have many friends and many faces, you have an inner circle of friends and family with whom you can truly be yourself.
You are a natural leader. You tend to be calm and rational, and it is rare that you get angry or upset. Often, when someone accidentally hurts your feelings, you will smile and pretend not to be bothered by it, because you want to project a positive, self confident image. You pick your battles. When someone does cross the line, they are often surprised at the sudden strength of your defensive attack. On the rare occasion that someone evokes anger or tears from you, it seems to them that this storm burst from clear blue skies.
Your daemon would represent your social, outgoing nature, your adaptable presence, and your tendency to hide your sensitive spots from strangers. He or she would help you mold yourself to every variety of social situation, being calm or playful or frightening as each situation demanded. When alone together, he or she would be someone whom you could share your real feelings with.
Suggested Forms: Lion, Orca, Chimpanzee, African Elephant, Goldfinch.
And apparently I'm not very sensitive.
#1110 and you feel like falling down
Sunday 15 September 2013
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to cut my wrists so deep that I don't have to feel anything anymore.
#1109 so if by the time the bar closes
Here's my game plan.
Date: any coming promo exam I deem fit
Time: during the exam
1. Close booklet
2. Write "F this." on the cover page.
3. Gather all my things.
4. Stand up and leave exam hall.
5. Pack bag.
6. Leave school.
7. Never go back.
If only.
#1108 but between the drinks and subtle things, the holes in my apologies
Saturday 14 September 2013
You're a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made of stardust; what do you have to be scared of?
#1107 my seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking 'bout a scar
Friday 13 September 2013
Sometimes, when I stay very still, I can feel my body move with each pump my heart takes.
And now, it's going unnaturally fast.
I need to know that everything will be okay.
Everyone's talking about what they're going to do after, but I can't bring myself to even think about it, because all I can think about is that the race has barely begun and the pressure cooker has barely reached its halfway mark.
And I can't think about an after, because when was there ever an after?
And now, it's going unnaturally fast.
I need to know that everything will be okay.
Everyone's talking about what they're going to do after, but I can't bring myself to even think about it, because all I can think about is that the race has barely begun and the pressure cooker has barely reached its halfway mark.
And I can't think about an after, because when was there ever an after?
#1106 my friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State
I guess there's something bizarre and downright disturbing about a monster/ alien that cannot be seen. That you know nothing of, not even how it looks like.
Just that they lurk in the shadows.
And once you see someone with two shadows, that someone's a goner.
And of course this was the first episode in which Riversong appears. Somewhat signalling the end of the RTD era /sobs/
I've always wanted to learn how to do the watercolour-ey effect but somehow... sigh D: Whenever I see all them nice watercolours on Tumblr, a little part of me dies.
In other news, my computer still thinks I'm in Kiwi Land.
In other other news, Google NZ is also offered in Maori.
#1105 give me a second I, I need to get my story straight
Wednesday 11 September 2013
- 70% of the time I use a ruler when drawing fractions/ square roots.
- 100% of the time I use a ruler when highlighting.
- I clean my ruler after using one highlighter colour and before switching to the next.
- Each prata is cut into 16 pieces before eating a proper prata meal, unless rushed.
- When rushed, prata is still cut into 16 pieces, but eating is done while cutting.
- Egg tarts at cut into quarters and eaten with a spoon.
- Tauhuey to be eaten in a way that the surface remains as smooth as possible.
- The way to eat McDonald's hotcakes: 1) arrange 3 hotcakes on styrofoam plate in the shape of Mickey Mouse head, 2) 2/3 of each margarine packet go onto each hotcake, 3) spread margarine, 4) stack 3 hotcakes up, 5) cut all 3 hotcakes together at one go into 8 triangular pieces, 6) spread out all 24 pieces without stacking any, 7) evenly spread maple syrup, 8) B R E A K F A S T !
- 4/ 8 rectangles/ squares per toilet paper.
- Each of the 8 highlighters in my school pencil case must be used in the correct sequence and about the same amount each time they are used.
#1104 which way is right, which way is wrong
I've probably blogged about this before but anyway...
Every time I watch this I cry.
E V E R Y T I M E .
#1103 I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
Monday 9 September 2013
I think my perfect A level combination would be like... French, Film, Media, Anthropology, Etymology.
If only. Then I'd really love what I'm doing ):
#actuallyitwasyunyang #butnevermind #doesntmakeadifference
Zzzz
From Hannah (: And I ate the strawberry even though I don't like strawberries.
Awesome night ((:
Flattering child, you shall know me, see why in shadows I hide. Look at your face in the mirror, I am there inside!
[flashback to the best overture ever]
Damn chio omg. All em angels. Like everything is revolving around angels recently. Phantom. Night Vale (kinda queer). City of Bones. And I'm quite sure there are more but they just slipped my mind.
#1102 stone-hard as bulletproof glass
Saturday 7 September 2013
Nazgûl from Lord of the Rings Headless Monks from Doctor Who
Now why did I not realise this sooner...
#1101 fired at the ones who run
I really hate it when I go into my hate mode.
My teeth start to hurt and my eyes start to tear up. I start to clench my fists a lot. I feel like crushing up paper, then ripping it to pieces. I feel like sweeping everything off my desk. I feel like destroying everything. I can't focus on anything. All I can think about is that one thing that is annoying the hell out of me.
This doesn't happen very often. But when it does, it happens when something isn't the way it is. When the worksheets in my file aren't aligned straight. When the lecture notes provided by the school are in such a huge mess with blobs of information dispersed everywhere. When there are random slips of paper everywhere. When I don't get why the hell I'm wasting two years of my life away. When a piece of paper has been creased. When someone takes my things without permission and put it back at the wrong place. When I can't figure out how to format my own notes. When I don't use my highlighters equally.
When the goddamn Time issue is so soggy it feels as if it has just gone through the sewers.
Just make your packaging waterproof for god's sake. Even Reader's Digest does that.
My teeth start to hurt and my eyes start to tear up. I start to clench my fists a lot. I feel like crushing up paper, then ripping it to pieces. I feel like sweeping everything off my desk. I feel like destroying everything. I can't focus on anything. All I can think about is that one thing that is annoying the hell out of me.
This doesn't happen very often. But when it does, it happens when something isn't the way it is. When the worksheets in my file aren't aligned straight. When the lecture notes provided by the school are in such a huge mess with blobs of information dispersed everywhere. When there are random slips of paper everywhere. When I don't get why the hell I'm wasting two years of my life away. When a piece of paper has been creased. When someone takes my things without permission and put it back at the wrong place. When I can't figure out how to format my own notes. When I don't use my highlighters equally.
When the goddamn Time issue is so soggy it feels as if it has just gone through the sewers.
Just make your packaging waterproof for god's sake. Even Reader's Digest does that.
#1100 stone-hard, machine gun
Friday 6 September 2013
Sometimes I really miss this era of songs.
10 years on, and this one is still dead on accurate.
Ah, humanity.
10 years on, and this one is still dead on accurate.
Ah, humanity.
#1099 I'm talking loud not saying much
Super overdue pictures argh.
Self-explanatory.
This was posted on 6 August. Which was a month ago .____.
Jia Qi hennaing Ernest's hand...
Tada!
Ooooohhhhh a ship in the making.
Shayang :D
Jia Ling's and my ice cream earrings (:
The new cafe in Nanyang omg DDD:
AGGGHHHHHH.
/gasps/
B O U N C Y C A S T L E
The first clue to me that there were more Whovians in Hwa Chong than I thought...
I don't usually do selfies, so you can tell how bored I was while studying (comme d'habitude) .____.
My nose is depressingly flat/ small ):
Hellloooooo lovely
I love this quote (: Apparently this was the guy who inspired the French Revolution.
#artsty #food #steak #hashbrown #tomato #egg #foodporn #breakfast #yum #delicious #instafood
Feet size comparison. Right: human. Left: abominable snowman.
S in S70 stands for sick.
What my brother whose voice has nearly (or almost or fully I have no idea) broken sent me via Whatsapp /headdesk/
/headfloor/
I come up with excellent nicknames.
I love this quote so much I can't even... (':
Jellybeans!
I later ate that pink one over there right on top.
Getting closer to the Whovian community in Hwa Chong...
The best classes I could ever ask for (:
"Brief" introduction
Jessica kindly pointed out that there were boobs on the board. Welcome to our PW discussions.
In Jess's car monster truck otw to Ion! We had a whale of a time (:
Well.
Post-Conjuring 00000:
Inspired by an IG account which I read about somewhere.
AND FOR ASLAAANNNNN!!!
Ikea my love :33333
Their ice cream maker thingy is damn cool.
Tada!! McDonald's 70 cents vanilla cone still better though. This one tasted a little weird.
Je suis une licorne.
My eyes are unusually huge here. Usually they're like lines.
My favourite poem :DDDD
Cool new wallpaper yo.
Hunnuh!
Yi Xin and Mdm Lee and her ice cream bell
My nose is depressingly flat/ small ):
Karla delivery!
I miss this place ):
I later ate that pink one over there right on top.
My eyes are unusually huge here. Usually they're like lines.
