Not taking physics and econs was the best decision of my life.

The other being naming my laptop, phone, and iPad coyote tango, gipsy danger and striker eureka respectively.

my head is still whirling from math how do I mug chemistry in this state

48 hours D: Not sure if I'm excited or relieved or reluctant actually.

My door is too cool for you

Game: identify the fandoms.

#no

Rainbow in chemistry :D

#no

And then there's Chang

My wants in life #basically

Best buds

Why buy feather earrings when you can make your own #diy #feelingsopro

#no

Shades of brown. The Hwa Chong colour (because everywhere you go you see brown). Featuring teh bing bilo and coffee.

#notetoself

Bananas from junior class :D

#no

Yet another reason to drop by

Nomnomnom I love watermelon nomnomnom

what's new. I should just stop trying to help people

losing control over my life and everything around me and I hate it

I want it to be next week so I can get a breather.

But I don't want it to be next week because shit will start gushing in again and the breather will end up drowning me.

Because Aladdin and other Disney songs commonly song by choirs are getting a tad overrated.

#chills

3 As will already be a miracle, don't even think about 4. Stop overestimating yourself. Seriously. Just stop.

honestly what's the point of having so many fantastical dreams of the future when you can't even tide through one hurdle that is nothing compared to the biggest one of your life

What if I change my mind? What if I get swayed? What if I'm not up to standards? What if I don't do well enough (highly possible considering my current standards)?

Gosh when was the last time I didn't do anything productive for an entire night. I've forgotten how good and how relaxing it feels. The thought of tomorrow makes my stomach churn.

Surrounded by people who unknowingly wear me down. I don't understand why I can't understand how some can be so irresponsible and I get so worked up over it and it feels like no one understands me. As in, if you're already on this path of irresponsibility, don't expect others to be responsible for you.

La fourmi elle-même a sa colère.

It feels like my life has been put on an endless repeat for the past 12 years.

Our concept of a successful human life, one that offers a good, well-payed, steady job, is so queer. You're born. You go to school. Your life becomes defined by test after test after test for 12 years or more. You enter the workforce. It gets exciting for a bit. Then your life becomes defined by deadline after deadline after deadline, meeting after meeting after meeting, project after project after project, until you die or actually retire. And well that's about it.

Which kind of makes you question the entire point of evolution and survival of the fittest and adaptation and life on earth. Okay, great. So my ancestors managed to move from single-celled organism to prehistoric fish to reptile-like-creature to small mammal to ape to me. But what then? What's the point? Because it feels like I'm stuck in a ceaseless cycle that is just going to cycle down from one generation to the next, entire the end of humankind (yay) or till the earth finally dies.

Some people think humans are the superior species and a class above the rest of the animals because we have emotions (which is the lamest reason ever) and we're intelligent.

Honestly, though, it feels like so much of a curse to be blessed with this supposed intelligence, because in the end I'm probably just going to think myself to death or keep asking questions that will never be answered, let alone understand the reasons behind the legislations and actions and behaviours of my fellow intelligent brethren.

Maybe the rest of the animals are the intelligent ones after all, for staying unintelligent, for not thinking too much, for holding on to that capability of living in the moment.

constant reminders of my incompetence

I just want that bloody day over and done with. I've never felt like so much of a fraud before. Praying for some miracle.

I don't think I've ever felt so regretful before. I try not to think about it, but it just keeps coming back, even after I've managed to temporarily convince myself that I don't care about it at all. I guess I'm just scared of explaining myself, of the looks I'll get, of your impressions of me, and my mind keeps jumping to extreme possibilities where one way or another, my future gets affected. All because of one stupid, momentary desire. It's complicated, but it's not. It's not my fault, but it is. If only I could go back in time and say no. If only I could go back in time and take up the opportunities that I let slip from my hands. If only I could go back in time and be more bloody farsighted. I guess this just shows how much of a coward I am.

i'm going

get out of my head let me focus

please get out of my head

Everyone says the teachers are pushing us extra hard because it's the year, but what if I can't take it anymore? I've never felt so close to snapping for such an extended period of time before, and I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

What if I could go back 6 years in time and undo everything that has led up to this instant? Where would I be now? Would I be happier?

Because I'm not feeling the most of joy with what I'm currently doing.

I'm a science student. I was in the Science and Math Talent Programme for my last 2 years of secondary school even though I have no bloody idea why I joined it or how the hell I got in. And I'm still a science student. I take Biology and Chemistry and Math, which are considered as science subjects.

So why is it that the two subjects I actually find myself enjoying these days are GP and French, the two subjects which are more slanted towards the humanities? What does this say about my character? What does this say about me as a person? What does this say about what I like? What does this say about the things that make me happy?

"You're a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust, what do you have to be scared of?"

"Forget stardust - you are iron. Your blood is nothing but ferrous liquid. What you bleed, you reek of rust. It is iron that fills your heart and sits in your veins. And what is iron, really, unless it's forged? You are iron. And you are strong."

#notetoself

my memory is like I sieve why couldn't I have been born with an eidetic memory?

jc is like the la brea tar pits and I am a deer trapped in here for the rest of eternity

268 to the end. If I can't even pull through BT1 without thinking about how badly I'm going to trash everything up, what more the goddamn A levels?