I've never looked forward so much to clearing my room. Because those few shelves holding thousands of pieces of paper hold so many bad memories. Sure maybe I'll keep some. Like the occasional test where a teacher wrote an encouraging note. But other than that, off to the dustbin. Or maybe the brother's room, but it's not as if he'll ever look at them. Not a very dramatic exit, as compared to a bonfire. Just so tired. So fucking tired. 30 days have never felt so long.

30 days to the day I stop measuring my daily productivity by the number of papers I do or the number of pages I try to memorise, but by the number of shows I have watched and the number of things I have crossed off my "Upon Liberation" document and the amount of money I have spent

on a side note so bloody scared for gp because everyone seems to be doing something about it (past years, other school prelim papers, consultations, suddenly trying to read every single piece of reading material...) but I'm barely doing anything. trying to comfort myself by telling myself I've done it before and I've pulled it off and this time will be no different... but the worry's still there.

then there's a part of me that's like what the point because I'm already not getting all As for my A levels because of the fucking B I got for pw god I hate myself so much for that.

I suppose selfishness drives many kinds of behaviours. From children not sharing toys to countries finding their way around environmental policies so as to not harm their economies to outright territorial disputes, there's this streak of wanting the best for yourself and to stay ahead of everyone else. Sure, it's inherently, morally repulsive - the act of more well-to-do families enrolling their children into 1001 classes to ensure they stay ahead of the pack despite repeated calls for level playing fields is an act that seems to carry derogatory notions, while the call to ban all flights to and from West Africa has been rejected despite the fears of the Western public, because it would worsen the aid to ground zero. But from a morally absent, completely primitive point of view, is selfishness that bad? The rules of the jungle, after all, dictate that all species and individuals have to fight for survival, so it's absolutely natural that we think only for ourselves.

But then I recall that I'm also a proponent for the demise of the human race because we ruin everything. We've wiped out species for our own selfish needs: food, safety, or just plain sport. So based on that previous paragraph up there, there's nothing wrong with this behaviour because based on the "rules of the jungle", we're trying to be the fittest in a bid to survive.

And this is the point in time where I get a massive headache.

Being human is so difficult. There's this need to have a moral label to everything we do. This is one reason why I'm really envious of animals because they live in the moment. They don't think about the future or about what their actions will cause. It's shortsighted and simple, sure, but it's a change, not having to worry so much.

idk why but I really like this song? maybe it's the black-white-red theme. maybe it's the piano bits. maybe it's the tune. maybe it's the clothes (omg that coat omg them boots). maybe it's the whole dark knight/ omnipresent guardian/ vampire prosecutor/ conflicted antihero with a sad backstory feel. definitely not the creepy scene at the end.



also, it's heartening to know that I still understand Chinese. or at least a bit of it.

i like me some puppet analogies


and this reminds me that i, embarrassingly, have yet to watch gotg

Reblogging the shit out of this because

H O L Y P U T A I N

for full effect watch full screen on loudest volume

you take your age for granted. you forget that anyone can go, not just those whose candles have already been burning for a long time. you forget that the reaper does not discriminate. you forget that charon does not only carry the old.

http://constructionpaperandtears.tumblr.com/post/100351907244

i hate you you're so ugly and fat and stupid and incompetent and irresponsible you should just step off a building and save everyone a whole big deal of trouble god, i hate you

another one of those moments I wish I could turn back the time because of my truly amazing ability to fuck up my life over and over again

photos rotting away in my folder aha ironically

 qotm

 these are Chinese words #nokidding

 this was eons ago

 qt3.14159

homg salivating rn I want pekin duck

 when I should be mugging part I

 Lena! Wonder how she's doing

 I love this quote entire goddamn poem so much

 when I should be mugging part II

when I should be mugging part III

 my name lol

 I tried this. It didn't work. I think I ended up falling asleep.

 apps sorted according to colours check it out

 when I should be mugging part IV

when I should be mugging part V

 "You scored 71% on Brutality, higher than 85% of your peers"

 #throwback ):

 M U F F I N S
another reason for low self-esteem because I can't bake to save my life
Belle's earl grey muffins are seriously awesome omg

 Condensed the above 11 into 3 welcome to JC bio

cool swirly mint pattern thingamajig

 aha. #notinsingapore

 French class doodles

 yums check out that beef

 My weakness

I still don't quite know why I made it a quest to get this

 one of my newest canteen discoveries... a little too late

 Halloween costume #jk #graduationvideogimmicks

pig

stop daydreaming it's impossible stop it

The digitalisation of photography has led to its trivialisation, hasn't it? We want to capture every single memory, we want to remember every single event, we want to freeze every single emotion in time, but all the photos, so carelessly taken, end up all being stored in a hard drive somewhere, just another set of numbers in an entire folder of numbers. In taking so many pictures, in trying to brand so many memories into our heads, have we forgotten what it is like to live in the moment, to savour the emotions as it is, to soak in the atmosphere, to let the impression settle itself naturally into our brains, to use the best cameras we are blessed with? We obsess over getting the perfect angle, the perfect shot, the perfect moment, so much so that what we are left with is not a genuine memory, but another minute of hassle in front of the camera screen, soon to be forgotten and dumped into another folder with all the others. What is the meaning of a photograph?

i wish i could smile

Really love the concept



And I just realised he hinted at the concept in the teaser which was released ages ago how observant of me

I have come to the realisation that blood dripping into water is one of the most beautiful things to watch ever. Maybe it's because of its viscosity and the stark contrast of its colour against the transparency of water, but it's surprisingly calming and fascinating to watch a droplet breaking the water surface and then spreading, growing like wispy tendrils. Then, if you watch closer, it starts to make for the bottom of the sink, and it's as if you can make out the individual clumps of red blood cells - which are of course, too small, in reality, to identify - diffusing and swirling to the bottom.

so distracted argh

praying that the luck that has accompanied me since June will continue to last till December

I absolutely loathe hot and humid weather but I love locking myself up in an aircon room and making it really cold and shrugging on a hoodie and pretending I'm in a country with autumn/ winter obviously I am a creature of contradictions

if I hadn't chanced upon that advertisement one fine day in 2010, what would I be like today?